michaeltfoy.com

"Love, and you shall be loved."

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 20:42:16 -0400

“Love, and you shall be loved.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Getting By

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 13:04:24 -0400

The way I survive depression, anxiety, rejection, and fear is by turning it all into love for others. When I am at my lowest points, I give the most.

Being a Good Listener

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 22:27:03 -0500

What I do for the people in my life is not magic. Here are some things to consider if you want to strengthen your listening skills…
- Try to listen to someone without offering advice or judgments. Your feedback is almost always going to be based only on what you’ve experienced in your life, through your own filters. Your life, your thresholds are never going to be exactly the same as someone else’s.
- Try giving someone your full attention. Make eye contact. Put your phone or other distractions away. Every few minutes, offer a summary of what you hear them saying so that they feel understood.
- Don’t spin whatever a person is saying back on how it relates to you! Sometimes people just need to talk and what they have to say doesn’t relate to you at all.
- Refrain from making statements, but ask a lot of questions! Show interest in helping a person get to the root of their issues.
- If you hear the words, “what should I do,” resist giving an answer. Ask questions instead. The person is strong enough to come to their own conclusions in time. Sometimes they just need to talk it out.
- When you get a person to the point where they are seemingly thinking out loud in front of you, you are doing it right! If they feel comfortable enough to share all the good and bad with you, without fearing your judgments, you are not only being a masterful listener, but a masterful friend!
- Do all of this without expecting a single thing in return.

My Mom and I talked not too long ago about a lot of this. I’ve got the listening thing down to the point where people often break down in front of me! It’s kind of scary. Sometimes it is a total stranger. I’ve said before that I think this is a gift and a calling in life. It is possible to be in the right place at the right time for a reason. God puts us into situations to be an angel for others.

All of that said, I have to remind myself constantly to not get too emotionally involved. For me, it’s been hard to listen and not absorb the pain or anxiety of others. I’ve empathized to the point of making myself depressed or sick. My Mom and my good friend Sarina were ones to remind me to spiritually protect myself when trying to be a counselor for people.

I also realize clearly that sometimes, people are in such a bad way that they will require professional help. People might have years of psychological or chemical issues that are way beyond what I can help them deal with.

So… I offer all this because I think it is possible to help change the lives of others for the better, largely by becoming a better listener. I think we are all going to be called at points in our life to be a rock for others. I’ve been put into unprecedented situations myself the past year or so, where people have really needed me to lean on. But, I do it all with a sense of gratitude and purpose.

I invite all of you to continue to reach out to me whenever you need to, because I would want the same.

Truly Living

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 00:58:51 -0500

You have to be willing to get hurt, to fail, if you want to move forward in life. The most courageous and wise folks are the ones who make themselves vulnerable.

The Little Puppy With The Outside Heart

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:05:51 -0500

I once was moved to write this for a dear, brokenhearted friend. I’m grateful for that inspiration.

**********

Once, some years ago, a very special and unique little puppy was born. She was sweet, smart, and playful like most puppies, but unlike the others, her heart was on the outside of her body. The little puppy’s heart peeked out from under her fur, where everyone else, except her, could see it beating.

When she was very young, the little puppy just wanted to fit in and be like all the other puppies. Every day she woke up and tried to do the same things as any other puppy would. She would chase after butterflies. She would playfully run after clouds. She would race through open fields trying to find the end of rainbows. All the while, the little puppy tried and tried to make the most out of each day.

Still, other puppies seemed to treat her just a little differently. They didn’t really want to join her on her adventures. They would play with her sometimes, but only when they felt like it. Sometimes they pretended like they didn’t even see her. All of this made the little puppy feel sad and lonely. She felt misunderstood and isolated. All she really wanted was to feel accepted, appreciated, and loved.

One day, while she was all alone, the little puppy walked by a mirror and happened to catch her own reflection for the very first time ever. Startled, she first looked at her own face. She noticed that her eyes looked very sad, despite having what felt like great spirit and beautiful energy staring out from them. Next, she saw her whole head, which was hanging low, despite being filled with so many dreams, and hopes, and wonderful ideas. Then, with great surprise, she saw it. She looked down and noticed her heart, right there, on the outside of her chest, for the whole world to see.

She was amazed, humbled, and could not look away. Her outside heart was beating so strongly. It was magnificent. She instantly felt lighter, as if a chain around her soul had been unlocked. She finally realized why she was so different from all of the other puppies, and oddly enough, from that moment on, she started to feel less lonely.

As time passed, the little puppy continued to live her life happily. If other puppies didn’t want to play with her or share in her adventures, she was less bothered. She could gladly and proudly face any adventures on her own, for the moment she first saw her outside heart, she found love and acceptance on the inside.

One gorgeous day, as she was walking through a meadow, the bluest sky revealed a the most spectacular rainbow she had ever seen. She decided that she’d run straight toward the end of it. Right as she was about to sprint away, she saw another little puppy sitting right in her path. He tilted his head from side to side, looking at her curiously. He cautiously took a few steps toward her, then stopped. She asked the little puppy if he was okay.

“Yes, I am fine, but I can’t believe what I’m seeing right now,” he said gently. He slowly took a few more steps toward her. She was prepared to answer any and all questions about her outside heart, until she noticed a heart beating strongly on the outside of his chest! He had an outside heart, just like her.

They talked and laughed for a few hours, then decided to chase after the end of the rainbow together. They ran and ran and never looked back.

The End.

Sooner or Later

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:32:53 -0500

Sooner or Later, I’ll meet somebody that will make me forget about all the other somebodies.

Why I Love The Blues

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 12:00:56 -0500

I love all types and genres of music, but not all types and genres for music therapy! From underneath layers of sadness, peering out at hard rock might make me forget my troubles temporarily, but might also make me more angry than sad. R&B or Indie ballads will send me spiraling and wondering why I haven’t experienced any kind of idealistic love affairs like the ones being sung about.

The Blues - that works for me on a deeply soulful level. Always. It’s an odd thing too, because at surface level, songs about hard times might not seem like a positive thing at all. But, The Blues, in all their gut-wrenching, woe-is-me magnificence, transform my broken heart into a less lonely state. I find solace in knowing that generations of men and women before me have been dumped, overlooked, or rejected. They’ve been broke, drunk, or living lean. They expressed themselves anyway. I connect with that heartbreak and strangely, find myself feeling better after a while.

Thank you, BB, Howlin’ Wolf, Stevie Ray, Albert, Freddie, Eric, John Lee, Fats, Bonnie, and the countless others that set me straight. I’m never really alone if I’ve got The Blues.

Fight or Flight

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 06:58:08 -0500

Standing still and faithfully, peacefully facing a problem with someone else is one of the most difficult challenges life can ever throw my way. With those situations, my lifelong habits were either feeling like a cornered animal that strikes out, or feeling like someone that had to shut down and run away.

I’ve become self-aware of my anxious reactions and am working through current difficulties by dwelling in them. I won’t run away. I won’t lash out. I will calmly work through this.

"Taking stalk of your life requires some effort. You actually have to slow down. You have to take a..."

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 22:45:17 -0500

“Taking stalk of your life requires some effort. You actually have to slow down. You have to take a step back. And you have to be really honest with yourself about how you are living and why. That process is hard for a lot of people. We don’t want to slow down… that seems weak. We don’t want to have to stop what we’re doing to think about it. And more than anything else being honest with ourselves sucks because it means we’re going to have to own up to our own shit. We’re going to have to look in the mirror and admit that in some aspects of our lives we’re off track.”

- Clark Patrick in his feature of your’s truly for his Clark Loves Me project.

By the way, the photos of me in the feature were taken with a lens ground around 1875. Quality endures.
(via minimalmac)

Confidence

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 18:06:54 -0500

To me, confidence is believing with your whole heart that something “is,” even when others may believe that something “is not.” Whatever that something situation is, anything is possible with confidence.

Unconditionally

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:16:39 -0500

There will always be people in your life who only want you for the good times.

The only good people for your life will be the ones that want you for all times.

Happy Valentine's Day, especially to...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 09:24:45 -0500

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! Special wishes go out to those of you out there that just can’t seem get love right, despite your best efforts. I’m also thinking about those of you that may find yourself feeling completely alone at this point in your life, despite a strong desire for the opposite. You folks are my kind of people. Don’t give up. Pick yourself up, be the best person you can be, for you, and don’t let this world convince you that your life is over. Open up, be vulnerable, treat everyone with kindness, and believe that anything can change at any moment. You just don’t know for sure what’s around the corner. Trust me. I am an absolute expert in such matters!

Accepting the Mission

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 13:03:13 -0500

God does not make mistakes. What is, is for a reason!

Falling in Love

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:04:15 -0500

Erich Fromm observed falling in love as “the sudden collapse of barriers” between two people.

Selective Thoughtfulness

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:42:56 -0500

Those special to me are very often in my thoughts. Sometimes, way, way more than they may notice or that I’d admit to. I’ve decided in recent years to be more selective in my expressions of sentiments. Showing I care to people that haven’t necessarily earned my feelings has hurt me many times. I’ve given parts of myself away for free, instead of demanding premium value for the unique person I am.

While I am more careful these days, I still slip into moments of vulnerability where I seemingly can’t help myself. My voice speaks kind words before my brain and heart can stop them. I’ll automatically, intuitively do something nice or incredibly thoughtful for someone who isn’t noticing. Then, the hurt rolls over me again like a shivering cold.

I at least allow myself to feel and experience, to take risks. For that, my life’s actions are never wasted. I’ve made the most of even the very little. I live and breathe, and stumble, then run toward whatever comes next.

Choices

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 10:20:48 -0500

You can choose to believe that you are worthless, or you can choose to believe that you are worthy. Either way, it’s your choice.

Waiting for Acceptance

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 07:55:09 -0500

I’ve waited my whole life for someone to say they believed in me, that they know I can do anything. I’ve waited to hear that I’m special and irreplaceable, that I’m worth the interest and loyalty and commitment. I’ve wanted to hear that I’m loved deeply, despite my flaws and imperfections.

No one ever said it in quite the way I’ve needed to hear it, so I tell it all to myself. Yet, it still would be nice to hear it from someone else, someday.

Tell Them

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:39:45 -0500

How about telling someone how much you care before they slip away from you? Why not today? Why not right now?

Why not every day?

She's the One for Me

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 01:52:06 -0500

She’s brokenhearted. She’s scared. She’s feeling alone. She tells me about it all though, and that’s why she’s the one for me.

"Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you..."

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 01:47:02 -0500

“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”

- Marc Hack (via thelittlehero)